Wisdom for Grads

I know it's been awhile. It may have been a minor case of writer's block or just life taking over as it has a way of doing. I've been thinking about this post and feel it's timely to sit down and hammer it out. I may never give a graduation speech, certainly not at my own graduation, and probably not at anyone else's. Yet, I was given such tremendously helpful advice along the way, that I would feel selfish not to share some of these bits of wisdom from others with those young adults in my life. 

This is about my 20th year of mentoring adolescents and young adults, and I have had to reign in my instincts to mentor super-achievement in favor of the better advice to put your life into God's hands, to rely upon God and others for help, to have humility and to stay curious. When I was a teen, I didn't know what I didn't know. It took awhile to learn how very little I know. How wonderful it would be to become a lifelong learner! 

So here is the wisdom I have gleaned. I will try to give credit wherever possible, especially to those whose advice has had a lifelong impact on me.

Encourage others in their dreams. "Yes, a doctor. You will become a doctor," said Dr. Laurel Keith with a very broad smile to 3 year old me all those many years ago. This formed my earliest childhood memory. From there, it was always whether I would become a doctor, nurse or a veterinarian. I had a short foray into the thought of becoming a teacher, but I was truly meant to become a doctor. I visited Dr. Keith during premed years when I spent a summer in Chicago.

Don't waste your food. My dad was the enforcer of being "a member of the clean plate club." While the microwave has obviated the need for finishing one's plate, we shouldn't be throwing away food. There are not only hungry people around the world but also around your neighborhood. Meal planning and eating down the kitchen before I travel are some strategies I use to avoid wasting food. Buying frozen fruit and veggies can be a cost effective way to keep from wasting healthy foods.

Read a lot. My mom and all the other adults in my life were promoters of reading when I was young. They read to me and had me read to them. I read all the time. It is a window into the lives of others, other places, etc. 

Stand in the presence of those older or most important than you. My grandmother made us do this, but as it turns out, the Book of Leviticus in the Bible also gives this instruction. It is a sign of honor to stand when someone walks in the room. 

Don't mumble. Again, my grandmother not only gave this advice but strictly enforced it. Be prepared to duck! Your words are very important to hear, so speak with clear articulation, slowly enough, with enough volume for others to hear the first time. Speaking quietly or unclearly is not a gift, and older people don't love having to ask young people to repeat themselves.

Be on-time. My friend, Dede, is the very best example. She is never late for anything. She was on time for every class in school, for her job, and whenever she picks me up from a hotel or airport. It is good practice for your job which will for which being on-time is the very most basic absolute requirement!

Shop at thrift stores. My grandmother also takes credit for this. She would have a big garbage bag full of thrift store clothes at Christmas. While we may not have grabbed her style, the idea stuck. It's great for the budget and for the environment.

Find Jesus who knows your past, present and future sins but loves you just the same. God doesn't care as much about the outward appearance as the inside. Jesus died on a Cross and was raised again to new life to bring hope to everyone who believes in Him. My own sister shared this good news with me the summer after 5th grade. It changed the course of my life. 

Pay off your credit card bills every month, or don't have a credit card. Aunt Mary shared this critical advice with me before I went off to college. She later went on to become the president of our hometown bank. She made the hometown's Hall of Fame this year. I imagine Aunt Mary has saved thousands from a lifetime of indebtedness. Put another way, don't spend what you don't have.

Read the Bible in conversation with God. My InterVarsity campus ministers Anne and Kari really drove this point home for us during college, and it is still part of my practice. The Bible is the source of all wisdom, allowing us to know God and ourselves and others and how we are to relate to the beautiful Earth God created.

Don't procrastinate. It won't be easier tomorrow. Someone said this. It's true. 

Be sure to adopt a physically active lifestyle. I was told this by a man whose family hosted us for a church luncheon at the end of college. I thought he was going to give spiritual advice, but this advice about physical health turns out to have been so vital. I feel best at 6 hours of exercise a week, as it turns out, and almost all health outcomes improve with exercise.

Let your family and friends weigh in on dating partners or future spouses. If your friends and family are raising red flags about the person you are with, consider carefully what they are saying, since they know you best.

Pay for your car in cash. - Anonymous. Possibly every wise financier has given this advise to her/his children. If the car is only affordable on a loan, it would be best to find a cheaper car or wait to buy a car. Loans from the dealership are notoriously high in interest (about the same as a credit card!), and they'll take your car away if you miss payments. Use Edmunds or Kelley Blue Book online to know how much you should pay, be prepared to negotiate and even walk away if the deal isn't right.

Learn to love those with whom you disagree. Not only is this Jesus' commandment (to not only love those who love you but even to love your enemies), it is the way things work better. After years in the dubious position of leader of the Unity Team at my church, I think this is one of the most important life lessons. Even before, in college, I learned to intellectually disagree in a civil and non-violent manner; however, loving those with whom we disagree requires grace from above!

Think before you speak. My friend Ananda called me out on this one some years ago. While this was hurtful to hear, I did realize that I had been careless with language at times. I have endeavored to grow my listening skills and to hold certain thoughts privately. Not all of our thoughts or feelings are worthy of expression.

Listen well. This is the request of minority people in every category. We can hear other people speak, but it takes much more to listen with understanding or at least effort to understand without condemning (even internally). 

Be generous with your time and (if you have it) with your money. I learned this from my godfather, Lenny ("Boogie") Weinglass. He gave to our family in ways we could never repay. I also learned how to give volunteer time and effort from my friend, Tami. What would Tami do, I often ask when presented with a service opportunity. "He is no fool to give what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose," said missionary Jim Eliot before he was martyred in South America. His generosity saved lives for all of eternity. 

You are going to need help! This is the fundamental good news message of the Gospel. Creator God wired us to need help from other human beings. We all need help from the time we are born. We are also desperately and fatally afflicted by our sinful nature. We cannot save ourselves, so God sent us the ultimate help in Jesus. We need the love of Father God, the power of Jesus, and the work of the Holy Spirit to give us direction and bring about fruitful lives. This thing about needing help is the most countercultural advice to possibly give any American, since the culture so pervasively promotes the values of independence and individualism. The sooner we all learn that we need help, the better it will go for us. Yet, some of my very old patients have never come to accept this reality. That makes aging very bitter and difficult.