This is the time of year to take into consideration the outlandish-seeming claims of true Christianity: that Jesus was son of God, born to a small town virgin living in an obscure community in the Middle East. There was an interesting artlcle posted by New York Times writer, Nicholas Kristoff, several years ago entitled, "Am I a Christian, Pastor Timothy Keller?" Here the writer posted his conversation with the late Reverend Keller asking questions like whether one could still be a Christian if one doubted in miracles like the virgin birth or the Resurrection. My mom once confided in me that she did not believe that Jesus walked on water.
As a doctor and as a Christian, I have my feet planted in two worldviews, it would seem. As a doctor, my training guides me to trust in what is visible, what can be understood and even predicted, using the scientific method. Granted, whatever results from the scientific method is still viewed as theory; yet, some theories are about as close to the truth as one could get. Is COVID-19 a deadly virus? Clearly this is a reality. As a Christian, I can meet science halfway with the famous statement by John Calvin, "All truth is God's truth." Yet it is also true that Christians believe in miracles. The greatest miracles Christians proclaim are well known, but what about modern miracles?
A Christian who understands the whole direction of Scripture would readily say that miracles do not always happen. God sees and knows all things and hears all prayers, but the answer is not always "yes" to what we ask of Him. Twice in my life, I have had wounds which were unlikely to heal on their own without surgery. Twice these wounds have healed after my bold request. Yet, since my biopsy 6 weeks ago, I have still been trying to heal a wound that resulted from a burst blister. It wasn't the biopsy site itself but above the area. The radiologist did 12 passes and used two locations to obtain biopsies that day. After two negative biopsies, I think she wanted to be sure nothing was missed, but this was also a lot for my body to heal.
I think the ACE bandage compression wrap caused rubbing. Overnight, I noticed a small blister. It's best to leave blisters alone, but by the next morning, the blister had burst, leaving behind a wound. This worsened, and I took a course of antibiotics, but the wound by this point is almost like a pressure ulcer. What if the wound represents breast cancer? After having breast cancer, every symptom seems related. I think this effect will last for years this time around. True that the area has decreased in size, and the surrounding redness is gone, but there is still an open area. God, please heal this! I am reminded of what my pastor once said, "All healing comes from God." Thus, sans miracle, I still depend on the design God has made that the body can and will heal much of what afflicts us.
Though this miracle did not happen, two other miracles did! First of all, the course of my treatment was changed for the best. I had met with the surgeon on a Wednesday afternoon. The plan was for surgery first (double mastectomy and reconstruction). That felt good. "Get the cancer out," I thought. Yet, with this aggressive kind of cancer, I had the need for speed. I would need quick action. The next morning, my oncologist told me he would prefer treatment first. I had done my homework, reading all about this cancer type before the visit. He told me he would still respect my decision. While I was sitting right next to him, the phone rang. It was the surgeon's scheduler, offering December 18th as a surgical date ("Impossible for so many reasons! More than a month away!"). My oncologist asked, "Do you just want to do treatment first?" Yes. This is what we went with. Miracle!
Treatment first has been very tough, to be honest, especially the antibody injections. Almost everything I eat has gone straight through, often overnight, ever since I started antibody treatment the week before Thanksgiving. Maybe I should buy stock in imodium or in Gatorlyte. It's hard to judge when to take the big gun: lomotil. My usual lactose intolerance has declared itself very intolerant. I am hoping that the blog posts and articles are right about lesser GI issues after the first dose or two of pertuzumab-traztuzumab. We will see. Praying.
I cannot leave this post without the story of the second miracle. We decided to advertise for a part-time doctor to come and join the practice. I also put the word out to colleagues. One of my emails had "HELP" in all caps. Yes, finally learning slowly how to ask for help. Long story short, a young Hopkins-trained doctor was looking for a short-term position until next July when he will start a geriatrics fellowship at Hopkins. Through mutual connections, we found one another. His name is Dr. Michael Brady. Like Dr. Zachary Nayak, he worked as an internal medicine doctor a number of long years in a community health center setting. He needed a break but then also wanted to find part-time work through next summer. For the practice, this will allow me to have another doctor alongside on the busiest, hardest days of the week. He will start with us on Monday and Tuesday afternoons in mid-January. He will add sessions when I am out for four to six weeks around April for the big surgery.
I am so thankful for these miracles. I believe God has all wisdom in answering our prayers, sometimes "yes" and sometimes "no". I am so glad He has seen my great need and also fulfilled a need for Dr. Brady, too. It reminds me of the circumstances in Spring of 2023 which brought Dr. Nayak to our practice. It is good to have hope in seasons of darkness. Though physically worn, spiritually and emotionally my heart is full. Many of our patients have asked me how they can be of help. The best help for me over the next six to twelve months and beyond will be for our patients to trust my colleagues to care for them with excellence when I am away or unavailable. We still want to be at the center of our patients' care and offer the same high-level service as before. I am necessarily needing to cut back a bit.
"Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
Hail the incarnate Deity
Pleased as man with man to dwellJesus, our Emmanuel
Mild he lays his Glory by,
Born that Men no more may die
Born to raise the Sons of EarthBorn to give them second Birth."
- from Christmas Carol Hark the Herald Angels Sing
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